Mommy Mayhem

But Is The Duchess Wearing Those Mesh Undies?

Kate Middleton looks ridiculously good after she gives birth. And good for her. She’s a Duchess after all and aren’t they basically obligated to to look fancy all the time and wear really big hats? With a full staff of estheticians and stylists on hand, we shouldn’t be surprised that just hours after childbirth, Middleton’s hair looks like it’s out of a Tresseme commercial, her make-up is subtle yet perfect and her outfit memorializes Princess Diana, isn’t too form fitting, and still has her looking fresh as a postpartum daisy.

Yup, Middleton is in a league of her own on whole mom and baby picture front. She’s been through this post baby photo shoot three times and each time, she nails it. 

But can we get real for a second about what most women look like after they have just pushed another human being out of their bodies? I’ve done it three times and suffice it to say, I hardly looked like royalty. I barely looked human.  But I didn’t care because my babies were beautiful and my pain medication still had me in total denial about the searing pain that was on the horizon, especially after my first son.

Like most expectant moms, I dabbled in the books that purport to prepare us first timers for childbirth but the truth is, nothing I read was even remotely helpful and everything that would have been helpful was nowhere to be found in those “must read” books. They had already lied about morning sickness going away after 3 months and now they wanted us to bring a cd player and an object to focus on during delivery? And write a birth plan? Because everyone plans for 4 hours of pushing because the baby is sucking his thumb and won’t come out. When two out of three babies are vacuum deliveries, that whole plan thing sort of goes up in flames. (And God knows emergency c-sections blow that plan right up too!) These pregnancy and birth experts should have been preparing us for the potential tears into the rectal wall, the stitches, the sudden phobia of going poop, the agonizing nipple pain, and the fact that fussy babies get kicked out of the nursery even in the labor and delivery ward. He’s only one day old and he’s already getting kicked out of class? But my stitches….yeah, whatever.

But back to how we look after babies are born. At a time when your milk is coming in, family members are popping by, your husband is nattering away on a recliner nearby about his hunger pangs, and you can barely walk—at all—because of “tissue trauma” during delivery, does anybody even look in a mirror? Or care how they look? I just wanted to eat a huge Italian sub and stick a giant ice pack in my underwear. And stare at my baby. And sleep. 

And speaking of underwear, can we all agree that the post delivery undies the hospitals provide are life?! There is nothing better than these white and green mesh undies given to postpartum moms. This underwear is the softest, stretchiest and most forgiving slice of heaven anywhere on the planet and has plenty of room for all the pads and ice packs most moms rely on in the early days after delivery.

While I can’t speak to cesarean births in any personal way, the mere fact that moms get to stay in the hospital longer after those deliveries is a sign that they often need more time to recover and most likely wouldn’t be comfortable standing in heels on the streets of London just hours after delivery.

So Kate, you look amazing. You gave birth in a hospital that is literally ON the sidewalk and you managed to show off the new prince to the world—sans wheelchair—with your usual grace, poise, and amazingly shiny hair. The rest of us will just pretend that we too would look that good after childbirth if we only had a team of professionals on hand to make it all happen for us. 

Congratulations to the royal couple. Now I’m off to get an Italian sub.



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